Raising My Mother (Part 1): What Having a Mother with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Learning Disabilities Taught Me About Being a Training and Development Specialist in Hospitality Management

“Eldest daughter syndrome” may not be a clinical diagnosis, but it aptly captures a common dynamic: the oldest daughter often takes on a disproportionate share of family responsibility. This frequently includes caregiving, managing household logistics, and offering emotional support—all while contending with cultural expectations that cast her as the “natural caretaker.” For those of us who identify with this role, it can shape a strong “Type A” personality: driven, perfectionistic, and deeply responsible.

In my case, this role was intensified by my mother’s unique challenges.

Born in 1956, my mother entered the school system in the early 1960s and was labeled “slow”—a stigmatizing term at the time. She was placed in remedial classes without access to modern educational support. Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), which could have offered much-needed guidance, didn’t become law until 1975—the same year she graduated high school. By that point, the system had already failed her.

Seven years later, she became a mother. As her firstborn, I stepped into roles far beyond my years. By the age of five or six, I was managing household responsibilities in the wake of a divorce, supporting my mom through everyday tasks that often left her overwhelmed. While she uses her own terms to describe her condition—openly acknowledging her lifelong challenges—modern frameworks might identify her as being “somewhere on the spectrum,” further complicated by learning disabilities.

Her cognitive differences were revealed in small but significant ways. She had difficulty understanding cost-efficiency—like why a larger bottle of detergent, though more expensive upfront, was the better value per ounce. Social cues oftentimes elude her, leading to interactions at the grocery store that feel out of sync with social norms. From managing bills to interpreting paperwork to navigating day-to-day interactions, I gradually became her cognitive partner and still support her in this way to this day.

These early experiences fundamentally shaped how I approach training and development—both personally and professionally.

A Holiday Reminder

Just this past holiday season, the dynamic resurfaced while baking cookies together. My mother struggled to transpose recipe measurements. Her frustration was immediate, but with patience, I helped simplify the task so she could succeed on her own terms. That small moment reaffirmed something I’ve learned again and again: how we teach and communicate matters deeply. Empathy, adaptability, and clarity are essential.

Bridging Personal Lessons and Professional Expertise

As I reflect on my path—from an undergraduate degree in hospitality to butler school to a master’s degree and now doctoral research focused on knowledge transfer and training methodologies—a consistent thread has emerged: effective communication is the foundation of learning.

I’ve faced my own struggles with learning. Despite being an honor roll student, I carried significant anxiety around math. In high school, a gifted tutor helped me break through that fear. Using Mr. Sketch's scented markers to color-code algebraic equations, she made abstract concepts tactile and engaging. All the x’s were red “cherry,” scent and all the y’s were green “apple.” Suddenly, the page became a visual map, and I found the confidence to move forward. That approach stuck with me—and has shaped how I now design training programs for others.

It underscores a vital truth: training must honor different learning styles. As the often-attributed (though unauthenticated) quote goes, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” Whether Einstein said it or not, the message stands: people thrive when we stop measuring them by the wrong metrics and start helping them flourish in their own ways.

How Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Shaped My Approach to Training and Development in Hospitality Management

Hospitality and caregiving are vocational fields—deeply relational, often sacrificial, and rich in emotional nuance. Emotional intelligence, sometimes brushed off as a “soft skill” elsewhere, is essential here.

Take something as simple as putting on a bandage. Whether done by a nanny or a nurse, the tenderness of the gesture leaves an impression. Likewise, offering tea as a butler or house manager is about far more than the beverage—it’s about how it’s offered: with grace, awareness, and care. These small, intentional acts shape meaningful experiences and lasting satisfaction.

True excellence in service professions requires a deep understanding of how people learn, and how they apply what they’ve learned. Chefs use tactile memory to perfect their craft. Housekeepers identify fine fabrics by touch rather than text. Recognizing and supporting these learning modalities is central to my doctoral work in knowledge transfer theory.

Training for Excellence in Luxury Hospitality

In luxury estate management, training goes far beyond teaching a task—it’s about nurturing consistency, elegance, and discretion. It’s about helping staff not only perform their duties, but understand the estate owners' preferences, routines, and unspoken expectations.

Training manuals in this space must be layered, visual, and tailored. Color coding, diagrams, and visual cues aren’t “nice to have”—they’re essential tools that ensure people of all learning backgrounds can internalize high standards and execute them confidently.

Equally important is onboarding: bridging the gap between staff and principals. This requires thoughtful attention to both the methodology of training (the how) and the delivery of service (the how it’s experienced). In my consulting work, I help estates align these elements—creating operational systems that serve both the staff and the homeowners with excellence and humanity.

A Unique Perspective

From "raising my mother" to pursuing groundbreaking research in luxury service and professionalization, my journey as the daughter of someone with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has shaped my approach to training and development in hospitality management and equipped me with a distinctive lens. I specialize in breaking down communication barriers, nurturing individual and team growth, and aligning operations with a household’s unique culture and values. My dual focus elevates the work environment for staff and enhances the living experience for homeowners.

In Part 2 of this series, I’ll share more personal stories and professional insights—specifically about what it’s been like to support my mother in her own caregiving career as an in-home health worker for patients with dementia.

I would be honored to help your estate or workplace environment craft a training program that is tailored to your team’s learning styles, service expectations, and the unique culture of your household or organization—ensuring excellence, clarity, and confidence in every detail. Please contact me to schedule a consultation.

Stay tuned for: “Raising My Mother (Part 2 ): Caring for the Caregiver – My Mother with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as an In-Home Health Worker Caring for Those with Dementia.”

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Jennifer Laurence is the founder and president of Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, a leading estate management consulting firm renowned for elevating service standards in ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) luxury residential estates. With over 25 years of distinguished experience in hospitality and private service, she is a trusted authority in estate operations, specializing in optimizing household workflows, developing bespoke service protocols, and cultivating high-performing teams. Jen advises estate owners, family offices, and private service professionals on staff training, leadership development, conflict resolution, and guiding estates and luxury hospitality environments through organizational change and service culture creation. As a Doctoral Candidate in Organizational Leadership, she blends academic research with hands-on estate hospitality expertise, uniquely positioning her to drive operational excellence and foster collaborative, results-oriented estate teams. As Principal Liaison Director for the Private Service Alliance, she actively contributes to industry advocacy, thought leadership, and best practices. Her insight ensures that every facet of estate management—from daily service delivery to long-term operational strategy—meets the highest standards of precision, discretion, and sophistication for the families she serves.

📍 Website: Luxury Lifestyle Logistics

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