Not many people know that, in the very early stages of my career, I was witness to a national scandal at the estate where I served. The scandal made headlines in major outlets like The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal—a whirlwind of media attention that painted a picture of intrigue and controversy. Now, over 20 years later, that story has faded from the public eye, yet for those of us who lived through it, it remains an unforgettable chapter in our lives. It has shaped my career in ways I never expected, and the memory of those events still echoes in my mind.
What stands out to me the most about those days isn’t the headlines but the reality of being on the inside—watching events unfold, not as a participant but as a witness. I wasn’t directly involved in any way, but I witnessed the way things were handled, the fear, the secrecy, and the confusion, as well as the family implications and fallout as the events played out. I saw firsthand how things were mismanaged on both sides and while I had no part in the scandal, I was left with an understanding of how deeply it impacted those involved—both the family and the estate workers. Living through this experience has shaped the counsel I give as a consultant in the industry when high-net-worth client families and estate workers come to me for advice on PR and crisis management on the estate.
There’s an old trope in movies that "the Butler did it," but equally so in mysteries, "the Butler knows all." Estate workers—especially those in positions of trust—often become privy to secrets. They’re not only entrusted to protect the family’s privacy but to maintain the delicate balance of the household. But when do estate workers need to protect themselves? This question becomes especially important when the environment becomes toxic or when things take a turn for the worse, as they did during high-profile cases like the Jeffrey Epstein trial.
For those of us in estate management, the Epstein scandal serves as an unsettling example. The house manager, whose role was central to the smooth running of the estate, was called to testify during the trial. This highlighted a harsh reality—staff often find themselves in precarious positions when national scandals unfold. In the case of Epstein, staff were told to "see nothing, say nothing." However, while some workers may have been directed to stay silent, many would have been aware of questionable activities that went on behind closed doors. According to reports, while the workers didn’t explicitly witness wrongdoing, there was certainly "questionable behavior" that could not be ignored (del Valle, 2021).
How does one protect themselves in such an environment? First and foremost, estate workers must prioritize their own well-being. As much as you may want to protect the family you work for, if a situation becomes toxic or illegal, your health and safety must come first.
Here are some key strategies to protect yourself in challenging situations
1. Build Relationships with Reputable Placement Agencies
In the absence of a national union or formal reporting mechanisms for estate workers, one of the best actions you can take is to establish a solid relationship with a reputable placement agency. A trustworthy agency can help you find work that aligns with your values and offers support if you ever find yourself in a toxic or dangerous work environment. Having a credible reference can also ease the transition should you need to leave quickly due to an uncomfortable or unsafe situation. This is one of the best ways to ensure that you have options and are not left without support.
2. Protect Your Legal and Professional Standing
If you find yourself in a situation where you believe criminal activities are occurring, protect your professional and personal standing. Be mindful of what you witness, and ensure that you keep your own record of events. If you feel uncomfortable or unsure, make sure you gather enough evidence to protect yourself. You should never find yourself in a position where you are liable for something that isn’t your responsibility. This means you should never be asked to procure illegal substances or administer medication unless it is authorized by a medical professional. In the case of Matthew Perry’s tragic death, his assistants are facing charges for allegedly administering ketamine without authorization (Kaplan, 2024)—this is a stark reminder of how important it is to stay within the boundaries of your role, both legally and ethically.
3. Avoid Media Contact at All Costs
Another important piece of advice for estate workers caught in the midst of a national scandal is to avoid speaking to the media at all costs. Public Relations experts often emphasize that anything you say—even something as seemingly innocent as "No comment"—can be taken out of context and used in ways you might not anticipate. The media thrives on controversy, and as a worker in a private estate, you are not only an employee but also part of a family’s inner circle. Even the smallest slip of the tongue can become a headline. It’s crucial to understand that silence is golden in these situations. The best course of action is to direct any media inquiries to the estate’s PR team or legal counsel, ensuring that everything said is strategically managed to protect your privacy and the family’s interests. Remember, your first responsibility is to protect yourself from the fallout of a scandal, and sometimes that means staying completely out of the media spotlight (Sharma, 2022).
4. Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best way to protect yourself is to leave. When the environment becomes toxic or unsafe, no amount of loyalty to the family can justify staying. Your mental and emotional health, as well as your professional integrity, should come first. Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or that you are being asked to do something unethical, it may be time to make an exit. Having a credible reference and placement agency, as mentioned earlier, can help ease the transition to a new job, so be sure to procure a reference if possible.
5. Maintain Professional Boundaries
Regardless of the personal relationships that may develop between estate workers and the families they serve, it's crucial to maintain clear professional boundaries. While you may feel a strong sense of loyalty or care for the family, your role is to support the household, not to get entangled in personal or legal matters. This can be especially difficult when the family may be embroiled in a scandal, but keeping those boundaries intact is essential for both your emotional well-being and professional reputation.
How to Protect the Family
6. Protecting the Family's Interests During a Scandal
While the focus of this article is on protecting estate workers, it’s equally important to consider how to protect the estate client's family if a scandal involves their name. As their trusted estate manager, your role expands beyond managing the household; you are also a key figure in protecting their reputation, especially if the situation is unjust or beyond their control. In the event of a crisis, the first step is to ensure that a professional PR team is brought in immediately. A reputable PR firm can help craft messages, maintain consistency, and manage any media inquiries. It’s crucial for the family to avoid direct contact with the press, as statements can easily be misinterpreted or misquoted. Instead, direct all media inquiries to the family’s PR or legal team. If the scandal is unfair or unjust, a well-crafted public statement clarifying the facts or offering a clear explanation of the family’s values can help protect their reputation. Remember, your responsibility is to support the family through a turbulent time while ensuring that their privacy and long-term interests are safeguarded. The family’s image and trust can be damaged in a matter of hours, but with careful handling, it can also be rebuilt (Sharma, 2022).
In conclusion, navigating national scandals as an estate worker is not for the faint of heart. You are often placed in a position where your personal integrity, your safety, and your livelihood are tested. It’s important to understand your rights, your role, and how to navigate the challenging terrain that comes with being privy to powerful people’s lives. Protecting yourself and maintaining your professional standing is just as important as the service you provide, and sometimes the best thing you can do is step away when the situation no longer serves you. Likewise, protecting the estate client's family’s interests during a crisis requires a careful, strategic approach to safeguard both their reputation and the livelihoods of those who serve them. If your estate staff needs training on how to handle PR matters in conjunction with media professionals, please contact Luxury Lifestyle Logistics today to schedule a consultation around your staff member's media plan.
References:
Kaplan, A. (2024, August 19). Matthew Perry’s death: What to know about the 5 charged in his ketamine overdose. TODAY.com. https://www.today.com/news/matthew-perry-death-arrest-rcna166728
Sharma, G. (2022, July 14). 7 ways to handle PR crisis: An ultimate guide. Agility PR Solutions - Media Relations. https://www.agilitypr.com/pr-news/public-relations/7-ways-to-handle-pr-crisis-an-ultimate-guide/
del Valle, L. (2021, December 3). Jeffrey Epstein’s House manager says staff was instructed to “see nothing, Hear nothing, say nothing.” CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/02/us/ghislaine-maxwell-trial-thursday/index.html
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Jennifer Laurence is the founder and president of Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, a leading estate management consulting firm renowned for elevating service standards in ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) luxury residential estates. With over 25 years of distinguished experience in hospitality and private service, she is a trusted authority in estate operations, specializing in optimizing household workflows, developing bespoke service protocols, and cultivating high-performing teams. Jennifer advises estate owners, family offices, and private service professionals on staff training, leadership development, conflict resolution, and guiding estates through organizational change and service culture creation. As a Doctoral Candidate in Organizational Leadership, she blends academic research with hands-on estate hospitality expertise, uniquely positioning her to drive operational excellence and foster collaborative, results-oriented estate teams. As Principal Liaison Director for the Private Service Alliance, she actively contributes to industry advocacy, thought leadership, and best practices. Her insight ensures that every facet of estate management—from daily service delivery to long-term operational strategy—meets the highest standards of precision, discretion, and sophistication for the families she serves.
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