Raising My Mother (Part 2): Caring for the Caregiver – My Mother with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as an In-Home Health Worker Caring for Those with Dementia

Mother and Daughter at the Lake

Caregiving is one of the most demanding roles a person can undertake. It requires empathy, resilience, and a level of emotional intelligence that often goes unacknowledged. For my mother, who navigates life with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and learning disabilities, stepping into this role was both a testament to her determination and a profound example of her ability to rise above challenges.

My mother’s journey into caregiving began in her early 40s, specializing in home health and dementia care when she became an in-home health worker after the birth of my little sister. Watching her thrive in this role was unexpected—yet deeply inspiring. Despite her cognitive differences, she brought a unique approach to caregiving, one that emphasized patience, structure, and genuine connection. Her experience also illuminated the emotional toll that caregiving can take, particularly for someone facing her own neurological and learning challenges.

She was referred to as an overachiever by her nursing professors—always going the extra mile. She proudly graduated from her CNA program with a B+ average after three months and three weeks of intensive study. In her own words, she “underlined a lot of stuff—it helped to emphasize it.” She had perfect attendance, completed three additional trainings, and received glowing reviews. Today, her three-ring binder holds 20–25 heartfelt letters of reference from the families she has served, many of whom have since passed. Her care extended across generations, sometimes tending to multiple members within the same family. One particularly poignant moment was her support of a Bahá’í family, helping them prepare for multiple at-home funerals. She cared for both clients until their dying breath—an intimate act of service that reflected the profound trust they placed in her to walk with them, not once, but twice, through one of life’s most sacred and vulnerable transitions.

Structure, Routine, and Compassion in Caregiving

Many individuals on the autism spectrum thrive in environments that offer consistency and structure—and this strength was a hallmark of my mother’s caregiving style. She meticulously organized daily routines for her clients, ensuring that meals, medications, hygiene, and activities followed a predictable rhythm. This consistency brought comfort to those she cared for—especially individuals with dementia, for whom unpredictability often heightens distress.

But her care extended far beyond checklists. She met each client with dignity, empathy, and genuine presence. She would listen to their favorite music with them, tend to their plants, or walk with them in the garden. While social nuance didn’t always come naturally to her, the steadiness and sincerity she offered were often exactly what her clients needed. In a field defined by emotional labor, her authenticity was a quiet strength.

The Emotional Toll of Caregiving

Caregiving, especially for those with cognitive decline, demands more than physical effort—it takes emotional endurance. For my mother, this aspect of the job was particularly taxing. Her deep empathy and challenges with emotional regulation sometimes left her overwhelmed.

I remember the heaviness she carried on difficult days. She would come home emotionally drained, often venting about experiences that had confused or hurt her. It was clear that, although she excelled at providing care, she also needed care herself—emotional scaffolding to support the weight of what she carried.

Lessons Learned: Supporting the Caregiver

Caring for the caregiver is just as vital as caregiving itself. As her eldest daughter, I often stepped into that support role—offering encouragement, practical advice, and emotional space. One of the most transformative steps we took together was creating a self-care routine. Simple pleasures like taking a short walk, enjoying a favorite TV show, or journaling became small but powerful acts of preservation.

We also worked on establishing boundaries—something that had long been absent in her caregiving style. Her natural desire to give made it easy for her work and personal life to blur. But by defining working hours, scheduling regular breaks, and recognizing her limits, she was better equipped to continue giving without depleting herself entirely.

Bridging Personal and Professional Growth

Reflecting on my mother’s experience has deeply influenced my own work in hospitality leadership, estate management, and care-focused training. Caregiving is the often-overlooked bridge between commercial hospitality and residential estate service. Whether it’s in-home health support, domestic service, or high-end estate staffing, the goal remains the same: to provide personalized, relational care that enhances the client’s or principal’s daily life. Emotional intelligence, adaptability, and communication are essential—but so is recognizing and supporting the caregivers within those roles.

Watching my mother taught me that great service doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from presence. It comes from creating structure, offering dignity, and recognizing that every person learns and expresses care in a unique way.

This insight now fuels my consulting and training work. I design programs that consider neurodiversity, learning preferences, and emotional impact. Whether it’s onboarding new staff into luxury residences or helping team members navigate interpersonal dynamics, I build training systems that elevate both the employee experience and the quality of service delivered.

The Journey of a Caregiver with Autism Providing Compassionate In-Home Dementia Care

My mother’s story as a caregiver with autism offering in-home dementia care reminds me that behind every service role is a human being—with strengths, needs, and the capacity to make a lasting impact. Her resilience, creativity, and quiet strength shaped the lives of her clients—and shaped me, too.

In future posts, I’ll continue to explore the intersection of care, leadership, and training in both residential and hospitality environments. But for now, I encourage you to take a moment to honor the caregivers in your life—especially those doing the sacred work of in-home health and dementia caregiving—whose contributions often go unseen, but whose impact is immeasurable.

I would be honored to help your estate, private household, or caregiving environment develop a training program that not only equips staff with practical skills but also supports their emotional well-being. Whether you're managing an elder care setting, in-home health support, or a luxury estate, I specialize in creating structured, compassionate systems that prioritize both service excellence and caregiver sustainability. Please contact me to schedule a consultation.

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Jennifer Laurence is the founder and president of Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, a leading estate management consulting firm renowned for elevating service standards in ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) luxury residential estates. With over 25 years of distinguished experience in hospitality and private service, she is a trusted authority in estate operations, specializing in optimizing household workflows, developing bespoke service protocols, and cultivating high-performing teams. Jennifer advises estate owners, family offices, and private service professionals on staff training, leadership development, conflict resolution, and guiding estates and luxury hospitality environments through organizational change and service culture creation. As a Doctoral Candidate in Organizational Leadership, she blends academic research with hands-on estate hospitality expertise, uniquely positioning her to drive operational excellence and foster collaborative, results-oriented estate teams. As Principal Liaison Director for the Private Service Alliance, she actively contributes to industry advocacy, thought leadership, and best practices. Her insight ensures that every facet of estate management—from daily service delivery to long-term operational strategy—meets the highest standards of precision, discretion, and sophistication for the families she serves. 

📍 Website: Luxury Lifestyle Logistics

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