When Pickiness Defines Perfection: “Good Enough” Takes Time – The Art of Defining a Definitive Directive

Perfection is a Spectrum

In estate management and private service, one undeniable truth reigns: “Good Enough” is a relative term. What one individual deems satisfactory, another might view as utterly unacceptable. Humans are complex creatures, each operating with a unique blend of preferences, perceptions, and personal standards. This intersection of sociology, anthropology, and psychology is what fascinates me most about my work as an estate management consultant.

Articulating exactly what another person wants, needs, and expects is an art form that often takes a lifetime to master. I once worked with a principal who claimed to be easygoing and undemanding. Yet, it became evident within days that he had a deep attachment to his morning routine—a meticulously arranged breakfast tray featuring freshly cut papaya, served on a specific china set, with the newspaper folded precisely to the finance section. Any deviation, no matter how slight, led to visible irritation. It was a clear reminder that even those who perceive themselves as relaxed often harbor deeply embedded rituals, and uncovering these requires patience, empathy, and skill. Anyone who has navigated a long-term relationship knows this challenge intimately. Yet, in private service, professionals are expected to decode these nuances quickly and flawlessly.

The phrase “anticipate their needs” is often heralded as the gold standard. However, in my experience, this phrase can set up both employers and service professionals for inevitable friction during onboarding and beyond.

While the above breakfast example might be easy enough to follow because it's consistent and the principal is being 'demanding' in this area, really he's being predictable—which is very easy to follow for a staff member! It's when 'anticipating their needs' becomes applied to a situation that is not so standard that trouble ensues. I cannot anticipate anyone's needs for which the preference has not been defined, articulated, or expected of me. Nor should anyone be asked to 'anticipate' anything unrelated to the next. Just because someone is picky in one area does not mean they will be in all areas, or even in a related area.

A trivial matter is that my athleisure is folded perfectly on my shelf, but my sock drawer is a mess. Why? Because I value my time not to match socks. Long ago, I decided to have only one brand of socks, all matching, so I never have to worry about a lost sock. If I had a housekeeper, would I want to pay her by the hour to match my already matching socks so my drawer was neater? For me, no. I value her time spent in other ways. For others, this may be an irritation they can't wait to outsource and resolve when onboarding a staff member. From stocks to spreadsheets, fitted sheet folding to summer schedules, humans are nuanced, complex, and not easily discoverable unless patience and training occur.

We 'coach' our significant others in many ways to learn our quirks, preferences, and routines, always negotiating how we want our personal lives to run. The higher the level of 'perfection' an UHNW or HNW estate owner expects, the more time it takes to master and define directives so that 'good enough' translates into truly great service.

The Complexity of a Private Life

High-net-worth (HNW) and ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) individuals lead lives with countless moving parts. Their homes are more than living spaces; they are curated environments reflecting personal tastes, lifestyles, and values. Navigating this complexity requires more than intuition—it demands precision, patience, and partnership.

To illustrate, consider my own life. From my professional persona, you might assume my household is meticulously managed down to the last detail. The reality is more nuanced. There are areas where I demand excellence and others where I am content to let things slide. These decisions are deeply personal, and communicating them even to a partner requires ongoing dialogue. Now, imagine introducing a private service professional into that equation—a person expected to master these intricacies without a script or manual.

The Challenge of Onboarding in Private Service

Private service professionals (PSPs) often enter households with limited onboarding time, yet they are tasked with understanding and managing a principal’s deeply personal environment. This challenge is further compounded by a lack of comprehensive documentation, conflicting expectations from different household members, and the pressure to deliver perfection from day one. PSPs must navigate these hurdles while building trust and deciphering the nuanced preferences of their employers. When staff ask clarifying questions to grasp their employer’s expectations, principals can perceive this process as intrusive or exhausting. Sometimes, principals haven’t even articulated their preferences to themselves, making it even harder to define those parameters for someone else.

When a PSP asks, “How would you like your bed linens folded?” or “What temperature should the pool be maintained?” they are not being difficult—they are seeking to deliver excellence. Yet, to a principal, such inquiries can feel like a barrage of minutiae. And if the principal offers a directive, is that preference set in stone? Or does “good enough” shift depending on their mood, their guest list, or the season?

The result is often a breakdown in communication. Well-meaning professionals may struggle to achieve the desired standard. Principals, feeling their expectations are unmet, can become frustrated. This cycle can lead to premature staff dismissals, not due to incompetence but because the bridge between expectation and execution was never fully built.

Defining “Good Enough”- What is a Definitive Directive

Here's another irritation with the idea of 'anticipating someone's needs.' You can do this with gracious service, such as when an upscale hotel provides water bottles and fruit in the hotel's gym. This is an amenity provided as a courtesy, broadly anticipating guest needs. However, the 'anticipating their needs' directive most aspire to in private service is far more specific—WHAT brand of water bottle that individual wants and WHAT piece of fruit that person prefers. Mastering, defining, and developing job duties around these personal preferences takes TIME.

Here are 20 detailed considerations just regarding water bottles to show the depth that PSPs must consider in private service:

1.     What brand of water?

2.     How many would you like?

3.     Where should they be placed?

4.     How often should the bottles be refreshed?

5.     If they are unused after a certain time, should they be discarded and replaced with new ones?

6.     Who will dust the bottles if they sit too long?

7.     Who shops for the water?

8.     How many should be purchased at once?

9.     Where do we store the extras?

10.  Should we chill some in advance?

11.  Should we serve them at room temperature?

12.  Should we use glass or plastic?

13.  Are reusable bottles preferred over disposable?

14.  Should we label the bottles with the principal's name?

15.  Should we accompany the water with a napkin or coaster?

16.  Should the water be poured into a glass in certain settings?

17.  Should the water always be available, or only upon request?

18.  Should we offer water during specific activities (e.g., workouts, meetings)?

19.  Should water bottles be included in guest rooms?

20.  Should we stock specific flavors or enhanced waters?

This level of detail is known as a 'Standard Operating Procedure,' and it is how hotels and restaurants evaluate levels of PAR, purchasing, and receiving procedures. This is how you systemize service to make everything appear seamless. Without this level of planning, staff waste time and effort on missteps and unnecessary trips to the store. And this is just one example.

I hope this illustrates the depth and lengths operations staff go to in ensuring five-star service. This is what it takes to transition a home from 'well run' to 'hotel service.'

Every individual defines perfection differently. For one person, “good enough” might mean a spotlessly polished marble floor. For another, it might simply mean the floor is free of visible debris. These variations extend to every corner of estate operations—from the placement of glassware in a cabinet to the temperature of evening tea. Problems arise when these standards are not explicitly communicated.

This is where the art of defining a definitive directive comes in. Private service professionals need clarity to perform their jobs well. Without it, even the most skilled team member is set up to fail. Principals, on the other hand, need help translating their lifestyle into actionable systems.

Bridging the Communication Gap

This is the intersection where my work thrives. As a doctoral candidate in Organizational Leadership and founder of Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, I specialize in bridging the communication gap between estate owners and their private staff. My approach is rooted in conflict resolution, change management, and hospitality best practices.

Each family is unique. What works seamlessly in one estate can unravel in another. Success lies in understanding the sociology of family dynamics, the psychology of personal preference, and the anthropology of household traditions.

My consulting process involves:

1.     Conducting in-depth interviews with principals to uncover both stated and unstated expectations.

2.     Facilitating open dialogue between owners and staff to align visions of “good enough.”

3.     Developing tailored operational manuals that codify preferences and systems.

4.     Training teams to execute these standards with flexibility and finesse.

5.     Implementing feedback loops to ensure ongoing refinement as household needs evolve.

For example, I recently worked with a family who had struggled to retain household staff for years. Each new hire faced the same frustrations—ambiguous expectations, shifting directives, and mounting pressure. By guiding the principals through a structured discovery process, we created a comprehensive household manual tailored to their lifestyle. Staff received clear directives, along with the flexibility to adapt as circumstances changed. The result was a harmonious working environment and the family’s first long-term staff retention success. This is the power of bridging the communication gap.

A Sustainable Path Forward

Ongoing training and periodic reviews are crucial to ensure standards evolve alongside the principal’s changing preferences.

The goal is not absolute perfection—it is achieving the version of perfection that each principal defines for their household. This takes time, patience from both the principal and the private service professional, and a willingness to engage in necessary but sometimes difficult conversations.

At Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, we walk with you every step of the way through the process of defining a definitive directive to effect positive change in your estate organization. Because in private service, perfection is personal—and it is always worth taking the time to define it clearly. For more insights and personalized consulting services, visit www.luxurylifestylelogistics.com.

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Jennifer Laurence is the founder and president of Luxury Lifestyle Logistics, a leading estate management consulting firm renowned for elevating service standards in ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) luxury residential estates. With over 25 years of distinguished experience in hospitality and private service, she is a trusted authority in estate operations, specializing in optimizing household workflows, developing bespoke service protocols, and cultivating high-performing teams. Jennifer advises estate owners, family offices, and private service professionals on staff training, leadership development, conflict resolution, and guiding estates through organizational change and service culture creation. As a Doctoral Candidate in Organizational Leadership, she blends academic research with hands-on estate hospitality expertise, uniquely positioning her to drive operational excellence and foster collaborative, results-oriented estate teams. As Principal Liaison Director for the Private Service Alliance, she actively contributes to industry advocacy, thought leadership, and best practices. Her insight ensures that every facet of estate management—from daily service delivery to long-term operational strategy—meets the highest standards of precision, discretion, and sophistication for the families she serves. 

📍 Website: Luxury Lifestyle Logistics

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